come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
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She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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