The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
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