Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
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i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Come on in and take your pants off
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