Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
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She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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