wrigley field is MILF paradise
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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