Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
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Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
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Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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