we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
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I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
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Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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