Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
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I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
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Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
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