i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
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Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
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Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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