i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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