One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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