Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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