i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize