Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
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I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
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I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
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