she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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