I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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