Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
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Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize