a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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