I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize