JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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