she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
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he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
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Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
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