You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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