just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
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for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
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Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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