It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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