I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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