I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
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