Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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