I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize