I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
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remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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