yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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