If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
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I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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