she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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