I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize