i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
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