I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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