Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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