Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
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Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
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Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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