Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
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Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
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Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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