Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize