tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got inside last night via doggy door
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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