U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize