Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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