I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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