im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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