Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
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I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
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Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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