I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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