Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
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