Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize