3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
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