You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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